It’s no secret that making friends as an adult is hard. You’re no longer surrounded by the same people every day in class, and if you work from home, it’s even harder to meet people. At the start of my 20s, I had friends few and far between. I felt lonely, unlikable, and just plain down on myself (I’m sure un-diagnosed depression didn’t help either…) I actively had to start seeking out friends in the planner community, in my neighborhood, and beyond. Keeping in touch became more important than ever. It’s taken a few years, but I’ve learned that not all friendships are going to be the same. As I get deeper into my 20s three types of friendship types seem to keep popping up.
The old school BFF. This is the friend that’s been around pre-puberty and holds all your most embarrassing secrets. The type of friend who you’ve known since childhood and still keep in touch with even if you haven’t seen them in ages. Yet when you finally get back together, it’s as if no time has passed. I’m fortunate enough to have three people who fall into this category. The older you get, the more exclusive this category becomes.
The budding friendship. I read somewhere that it takes around 200 hours to become close friends with someone. With busy work schedules, kids, and significant others, it takes way more time to get to 200 hours than it did when we were kids. There are a few women in my life that I’ve met a year or two ago and seem like they could be amazing friends over time. We have a ton in common, but it takes a lot of planning to find time to get together for coffee or a night out. This category of friend has a lot of promise, but it’s not going to happen overnight.
The comer and goer. When I first moved into our neighborhood I made a bunch of fast friends. Over time they’ve faded away as I’ve found other people I have more in common with and shared interests. And you know what? That’s totally ok. There are going to be people in your life who come in for a certain amount of time and then move on. I find these friends incredibly important, but I’ve also learned when to let go.
When I finally started to understand that not all of the friends in my life will reach “old school BFF” status I became a lot more relaxed. The pressure lifted to become best friends overnight. Now I have friends I see maybe once a month, and others I talk to on a daily basis. Not all friendships are created equal, and it’s about time I started realizing that it’s ok.