The photo of adorable Gallifrey is here to keep things in perspective. My life and relationships now are stronger than ever. I’m happy. I have a husband and cats that love me. It’s all good. But let’s talk about that one time I was in that shitty relationship shall we?
There are so many things I wish I could go back and tell myself about that craptastic relationship in college. But I don’t actually regret it. Sure I definitely wouldn’t repeat it, but I learned a lot about myself, my worth, and the love I deserved. If time travel becomes a thing, I have a few things I’d tell myself (besides ‘end it’ of course).
Words and actions aren’t the same thing. Just because they say one thing, doesn’t mean it’s true.
Being in a bad relationship is more lonely than being alone. There’s so much doubt and distrust in an unhealthy relationship that you spend more time wondering and worrying what they’re up to than anything else. I felt constantly paranoid (and for good reason because he was definitely cheating on me) and unsure of myself. I felt crazy, jealous, and alone.
If it’s work, it’s not worth it. A relationship shouldn’t beat you up mentally. It should make you feel like you’ve found something that’s been missing. That you’ve found a missing piece of yourself that you didn’t know you needed. It shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t be soul-crushing.
Leave the self doubt behind when you leave him behind. It took me way too long to regain the self-confidence I lost in that shitty relationship. I felt worthless, not sexy enough, not funny enough. Just not enough. My self worth got wrapped up and twisted into making him like me that I didn’t even care if I liked myself.
I am the accumulation of all of my past experiences. That shitty relationship gave me what I needed to become a person I wanted to be. I learned to say ‘no’ and to fight for myself. It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight, but I took how terrible I felt those brief months in that relationship and put it on the never-again list. I hope none of you experience a shitty relationship, but if you find yourself in one, have the courage to take yourself out of it sooner rather than later. You deserve better.
You deserve better.
(Also I sincerely hope that shitty guy reads this post…just sayin’)
*plays Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” on repeat*