We recently hosted my 27th birthday at our house. Always having a flair for the dramatic, I wanted the theme to be “urban jungle.” Of course it was met with a lot of confusion from friends who are most definitely not plant enthusiasts. As soon as they strolled through the front door it definitely sunk in. Over 30 gorgeous houseplants all stacked up right there in the living room (with a chair for plant selfies of course).
Now people knew I enjoyed houseplants, but the party really brought the obsession to light. I get questions a lot online and in person about how I can keep so many (and different) plants alive. I gotta tell you, it really is super simple. I wish I had some super secret magic trick my great-great-grandmother passed down through the generations, but alas. No silver bullet plant growth tips here.
It’s all about the water and sunlight. Which I mean, duh, but it’s more than just pouring some water in and sticking a plant in front of a window. Plants, like people, are all different. Even ones in the same species have different needs. Plants I mean (well people too I guess!). I found my best plant success when I stopped listening to what the tags in the plants told me to do and started listening to the plant itself. (Insert plant whisperer imagery right here).
Sure I start off doing what the tag suggests, but I keep an eye on the plant to see if that’s what it really wants. I always start my plant off in a location I hope it’ll like and works with my decor, but more often than not the plant wants another spot. Over the next month or so if the plant doesn’t get any new growth and starts looking sickly, I’ll move it into more light or less light depending on where it is.
As for water, I water all of my plants once a week but vary the amount of water that goes to each plant. Succulents and cacti get just a little to get the top soil a bit wet while the rest of the plants get water based on the size of their pots. All of my plants have a bed of rocks and sand at the bottom of their pots before the soil, so I never worry too much about over-watering them as they have a place to store that water away from the roots. The larger the pot, the more water as it dries out quicker. Plus the plants are usually larger in those pots and need more water anyway. I also recommend rotating your plants as they’ll start to bend towards the light source over time.
It’s honestly quite simple. Your plant will tell you if it’s happy with new growth, and it will tell you if it’s not with brown leaves and droopy looking branches. Plants are quite hearty creatures, but do demand a little attention now and again. I find that succulents and cacti are the hardest plants to keep happy as they don’t show effects as quickly as other plants. So I tend to stick to the tropical or vine varieties that give me quicker satisfaction in seeing them grow.
Now you definitely don’t need 30 plants, but one or two will make all the difference in a space. Start that urban jungle!
It’s so easy to ignore mental health as the calendar fills up and the days get busy. Yet when your mental health suffers, everything suffers. So here are five easy ways to make mental health a priority in your life.
Plan fun outings and events to have something to look forward to beyond work. A few weeks ago I went with my friend Taylor to
a candle bar to make our own custom candles. We were only gone a few hours, but the adventure did WONDERS for my mental health. Plus it gave me something new to talk about besides work things! Something as simple as going to the movies and taking a break from reality can hugely improve your mental health.
Create a list of stress reduction activities that you can reference if you’re feeling anxious or stressed. My list includes things like a long bath, a walk outside, and a hydrating face mask. Write down things that bring you joy and help you to get out of your head.
Go to therapy. Whether it’s every week or a few times a month, set aside time to talk to someone. Even if you don’t think you necessary “need” therapy, schedule an appointment anyway. You’ll be surprised at how much lighter you’ll feel after an hour of judgement free conversation.
Unfollow and defriend accounts that bring you stress. Whether it’s that second cousin who is constantly starting political fights on Facebook or that Instagrammer with the unrealistically perfect life, delete them from your social sphere. Don’t think about it, just do it. The effect will be nearly instantaneous. You won’t feel crappy after a quick scroll through Instagram but rather inspired by feeds that make you feel good rather than like shit.
Schedule time each week for mental health activities like yoga or meditation. Even if it’s just ten minutes before bed to journal about the day, set aside time for YOU.
Let’s be honest. I never thought I’d have the ovaries to write a post like this. Here I am just airing out all my personal laundry for the world to see. But you know what? It’s important. It’s so important to me that I allow myself to be vulnerable and share these usually kept secret things. Because we are all going through something in some shape or form. And we all could use a post saying that we aren’t alone. My hope is that when I truly need it, I’ll find a post like this one to help me through a tough time. So I hope this post can do that for you too.
I’ve talked a bit about my anxiety journey in
videos before, but I haven’t really unpacked the baggage that is my depression. Mostly because it took me a while to realize that’s what I was. Depressed. I thought I couldn’t possibly be. There’s nothing “wrong” in my life. I’m in a happy marriage, have family and friends who love me, and have a rewarding job. And yet despite all the surface things, I still felt like shit. I slept a lot. I stopped caring about work. I didn’t have the drive or interest to hang out with people. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and just…NOT. Yet despite all the signs, I couldn’t possibly believe that I, Kayla Benda, was in fact, depressed.
I chalked most of my feelings up as symptoms of my anxiety. And sure some of them might have been, but most of them weren’t. During this time I started taking medication for my anxiety when I started to feel a panic attack coming on. Still in denial about my depression, I went to a doctor’s appointment to discuss how the anxiety medication and I were getting on. As I waited for the doctor, a nurse handed me a survey to fill out. On a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being most days, how often do you feel hopeless? How frequently do you have trouble staying focused? How often do you feel worry that things will never get better?
Before I knew what was happening, I was in tears. This form literally described me to a tee and the flood gates opened. My doctor consoled me and suggested depression medication to see if that could curb some of these feelings. I left with a prescription I didn’t expect to receive that day.
I started taking depression medication back in October and kept it between my husband and myself for months, not comfortable sharing with even my close knit family out of embarrassment. I felt like a failure for needing help to “feel better.” But as the medication began to really kick in over the next few months and regulate the chemical levels in my brain, it became incredibly obvious how much I truly needed some help.
So here I am almost eight months later and feeling like myself again. Now I know the medication route is not for everyone, but it’s definitely for me. I’m hopefully that one day I may be able to ween off of the prescription, but in the meantime, I’m completely happy with the assistance. I’m also more than aware that you can’t be “cured” of depression. It’s something I’m sure I’ll be living with and navigating my entire life. But there’s comfort in knowing that there is a way to feel better. Whether it’s therapy, medication, or a nice long hiatus to Sweden, there are things out there to help.
I’m a self described modern day hippie and I could not be more proud of the title. Sure I still shower and maintain a sense of grooming, but I’ve been taking big steps toward a more environmentally friendly lifestyle. And honestly, it’s been so easy to make the switch. One of the biggest hurtles to becoming more eco-friendly is the inconvenience, but these few steps make it way easy to reduce your footprint, save the turtles, and feel a lot better about yourself.
I said goodbye to plastic straws first. I wrote about the experience
in a post a few months after I started, but it’s been over a year now of actively giving back straws through drive-thru windows and toting around metal straws with me. I estimate that I’ve reduced my straw usage of about 300 straws in one year. That’s a lot of straws that won’t be bothering the poor sea turtles.
Another easy switch is to take reusable bags to supermarkets. Sure you can bring back plastic bags to the store to recycle, but it’s just so much easier not to get them in the first place. I keep a few in my car, a few in each of my bags, and some where I grab my keys. That way I always have a bag no matter when I decide to pop into the store.
If you’re a frequent Starbucks groupie like I am, their reusable cups are a must. They’ll give you $0.10 off your drink order when you use the cup, and the ones at the register cost only $2. Anything to reduce the guilt of hitting up the Starbucks drive-thru for the third time this week, right?
Now if you’re really down to help the Earth, let’s talk about composting. I recently got a Lifetime Compost Tumbler from Costco (
this one is similar) and have started to make my own compost. This
video I saw on Facebook made it look so easy that I finally took the plunge and purchased one. So far we’ve been putting in food scraps and collecting leaves. It feels so good to not throw away scraps from cooking. We still have quite a while until we have any compost, but it’s been a fun process. Plus Starbucks sometimes has coffee grounds for free you can add to your compost or use in your garden.
It hasn’t once felt inconvenient to bring a reusable bag or hand back a plastic straw I won’t be using. I finally feel good about my involvement in helping the environment. It’s so easy to think “it’s too big of a problem for little old me to do anything.” But with the environment that’s just not true. There is so much we can do every day that you’ll feel ridiculous waiting so long to start.
It’s no secret that making friends as an adult is hard. You’re no longer surrounded by the same people every day in class, and if you work from home, it’s even harder to meet people. At the start of my 20s, I had friends few and far between. I felt lonely, unlikable, and just plain down on myself (I’m sure un-diagnosed depression didn’t help either…) I actively had to start seeking out friends in the planner community, in my neighborhood, and beyond. Keeping in touch became more important than ever. It’s taken a few years, but I’ve learned that not all friendships are going to be the same. As I get deeper into my 20s three types of friendship types seem to keep popping up.
The old school BFF. This is the friend that’s been around pre-puberty and holds all your most embarrassing secrets. The type of friend who you’ve known since childhood and still keep in touch with even if you haven’t seen them in ages. Yet when you finally get back together, it’s as if no time has passed. I’m fortunate enough to have three people who fall into this category. The older you get, the more exclusive this category becomes.
The budding friendship. I read somewhere that it takes around 200 hours to become close friends with someone. With busy work schedules, kids, and significant others, it takes way more time to get to 200 hours than it did when we were kids. There are a few women in my life that I’ve met a year or two ago and seem like they could be amazing friends over time. We have a ton in common, but it takes a lot of planning to find time to get together for coffee or a night out. This category of friend has a lot of promise, but it’s not going to happen overnight.
The comer and goer. When I first moved into our neighborhood I made a bunch of fast friends. Over time they’ve faded away as I’ve found other people I have more in common with and shared interests. And you know what? That’s totally ok. There are going to be people in your life who come in for a certain amount of time and then move on. I find these friends incredibly important, but I’ve also learned when to let go.
When I finally started to understand that not all of the friends in my life will reach “old school BFF” status I became a lot more relaxed. The pressure lifted to become best friends overnight. Now I have friends I see maybe once a month, and others I talk to on a daily basis. Not all friendships are created equal, and it’s about time I started realizing that it’s ok.
A week or so ago my husband Alex and I took half the day off to go to Frederik Meijer Gardens for their annual Butterflies in Bloom event. In the three years we’ve lived in Grand Rapids, we’ve never been. We of course have talked about it, but always found some excuse as to why we were just too busy to go.
Now my mental health journey is no secret to regular readers around these parts. And in an effort to actively work on bettering my mental state, I’ve taken a lot more care with myself. More breaks, more understanding, and more love.
It was so easy to push aside whatever work we had that day to go see the butterflies. A lot easier I think than either one of us expected. We’re so consumed by work that we barely come up for air. The break felt more than just a break, it felt like a rediscovery of what really matters.
Alex and I bought ourselves a membership to Frederik Meijer so we can go back anytime we want throughout the year. We’re making a conscious effort to put our mental health and relationship at the forefront, rather than constantly pushing them aside for more work.
I guess the point of this post is to act as a reminder to take a break, do something you’ve talked about doing but haven’t made the time for it yet, and remember what really matters. It’s something I think we all have to actively work on…and you can bet that I am.
